What’s in a Name? The Emotional Weight of Identity in Childhood

What’s in a Name? The Emotional Weight of Identity in Childhood
 
Names are more than mere labels; they are imbued with meaning, tied to identity, belonging, and personal history. For many, their name is a gift from family—a thread linking them to their heritage and loved ones. But what happens when the sanctity of a name is mishandled, altered, or dismissed? In her deeply moving memoir, *IS-Abel: An Inspiring Story of Survival and Hope Through Northern Ireland’s Care System*, Isabel Kelly shares how the simple misspelling of her name created a ripple effect on her identity, forcing her to navigate feelings of loss and disconnection while ultimately reclaiming her sense of self.
 
The Importance of a Name
From the moment of birth, names become central to our identity. They are often chosen with love and care, reflecting cultural traditions, familial ties, or aspirations for the child’s future. For Isabel, her given name was "Isobel," a cherished connection to her biological family. It was more than a name—it was a link to her grandmother and great-grandmother, both named Isobella. However, the first cracks in that connection appeared when she discovered, aged fourteen, that her passport spelled her name as "Isabel."
 
This discrepancy might seem minor to some, but for Isabel, it was devastating. The correct spelling of her name had been a constant in her tumultuous early life—a symbol of stability in a world of upheaval. The discovery raised uncomfortable questions: Did her biological parents ever care enough to notice this mistake? Did the nuns and social workers responsible for her care not see the importance of something so simple, yet so significant? Her reflections highlight how even small administrative oversights can have profound emotional consequences for children in care.
 
A Loss of Identity
For children in foster care or institutional systems, identity is often a fragile construct. Isabel’s experience exemplifies how easily that fragility can be exacerbated. She learned later in life that her name’s incorrect spelling was likely due to a verbal error during her admission into care. A staff member’s phonetic guess became her official name on record, shaping how the world saw her for decades.
 
This seemingly trivial mistake carried enormous weight. Isabel recalls the pain of having to correct doctors, teachers, and other authority figures about her name, each correction a reminder of her lack of control over her identity. In a system that too often dehumanises children, reducing them to case files and statistics, such errors strip away the personal connection that every child deserves. 
 
Her struggle with the incorrect spelling of her name mirrored her broader battle to find belonging and recognition. At a young age, Isabel began quietly changing the spelling to "Isabel" in her everyday life, a subtle act of rebellion and self-determination. Yet, the lingering sense of having been let down by the very people tasked with her care was hard to shake.
 
The Emotional Weight of Names in Childhood
Isabel’s story illuminates a larger truth: small details can profoundly affect a child's sense of self-worth. The correct spelling of her name might have been a tiny matter for the care workers and nuns responsible for her, but for Isabel, it was deeply personal. It symbolised her connection to a family she was separated from, a link to the mother she yearned to understand, and an anchor in a life that often felt adrift.
 
In her memoir, Isabel reflects on the Sisters of Nazareth’s response when she eventually sought clarity. Their explanation—that children often entered care without proper documentation—highlighted systemic failings. It wasn’t just her name that was mishandled; it was her identity, her history, and her individuality.
 
This lack of attention to personal details reflects a broader issue in care systems worldwide. Children in such environments often feel invisible, their unique needs and identities overshadowed by the logistical demands of the system. Isabel’s story serves as a poignant reminder that the "small" things—like spelling a name correctly—can make a world of difference in how a child sees themselves and their place in the world.
 
Reclaiming Identity
As an adult, Isabel took control of her narrative. Reclaiming her name was part of a broader journey of self-discovery and healing. In her forties, she wrote to the Sisters of Nazareth to understand why her name was misspelt, determined to confront the errors of the past. This act was emblematic of her resilience—an effort to untangle the mistakes that had shaped her childhood and redefine her identity on her terms.
 
Through her perseverance, Isabel found strength in embracing her name and its legacy, even as she carried the scars of those early missteps. Her story is a testament to the importance of empowering children in care to claim their identities, no matter how fragmented their histories may feel.
 
Why Details Matter
Isabel’s journey underscores a critical takeaway: the small details matter. Whether it’s spelling a name correctly, listening to a child’s preferences, or acknowledging their unique heritage, these actions affirm their value as individuals. For children in care, who often face a profound sense of loss and invisibility, such gestures can foster belonging, stability, and hope.
 
As a society, we have a responsibility to ensure that children’s identities are honoured, particularly in systems designed to protect them. Isabel’s story challenges us to reflect on how we can do better—how we can move beyond bureaucratic efficiency to truly see and support the children in our care.
 
Conclusion
For Isabel Kelly, reclaiming her name was about more than correcting a clerical error. It was about reclaiming her voice, her history, and her place in the world. Her journey reminds us that identity is not a luxury but a fundamental right. Names carry stories, connections, and dreams. For children in care, ensuring that those names are respected and preserved is not just a matter of accuracy—it is an act of humanity. 
 
*'IS-Abel: An Inspiring Story of Survival and Hope Through Northern Ireland’s Care System' is available to purchase on Amazon.