Foster Care: Navigating Complexities, Sensitivities, and Resilience. What I Learned in Writing My First Book

Foster Care: Navigating Complexities, Sensitivities, and Resilience. What I Learned in Writing My First Book

Writing a book about life in foster care is an emotionally charged, multifaceted endeavour. It involved not only sharing personal experiences but also grappling with deeply ingrained societal misconceptions, raw emotions, and the challenge of balancing my semse of vulnerability with empowerment. The process can be profoundly therapeutic, but it also demands resilience, self-awareness, and a thoughtful approach to storytelling. In this blog, I'll explore some of the complexities and sensitivities of writing my debut book, with a focus on how resilience plays a crucial role in my life journey.

Writing about foster care often requires revisiting painful or unresolved memories. It involves confronting feelings of abandonment, grief, and trauma, as well as moments of joy, hope, and connection. This duality can make the writing process both cathartic and overwhelming.

Key Challenges
Emotional Triggers: Delving into past experiences may unearth buried emotions, which can be difficult to process. Of course, I experienced this.
Balancing Vulnerability: Authors must decide how much of their pain to share without compromising their emotional well-being. This is really tricky and you have to be mindful every time you sit down to write. 
Fear of Judgment: Writing about foster care can evoke anxiety about being misunderstood or stigmatised by readers who lack firsthand experience and I discussed this several times with my editorial team.

Strategies to Navigate Emotions
Therapeutic Writing: Journaling can serve as a precursor to writing the book, helping to process emotions in a private, judgment-free space.
Support System: Engaging with trusted friends, therapists, or fellow writers who understand the foster care experience can provide emotional safety.
Pacing the Process: Writing in small increments allows for reflection and emotional recovery.
 
Addressing Societal Perceptions
As I mentioned above, writing about foster care is not just a personal act; it is also a social one. The narrative you create has the potential to shape at least part of a public perception of the foster care system and its participants. So, there's a lot of responsibility on an author and I felt this throughout the book research and writing process. I found, for exmple, that some people hold simplistic or negative views about foster care, such as assuming all foster children are troubled or that the system is entirely broken. This is not the case. 
Society often seeks to assign blame—whether to biological parents, foster families, or the system itself—without understanding the complexities. And there are so, so many. By highlighting a range of experiences—both positive and negative—I tried to paint a more accurate picture of foster care. Sharing systemic insights and personal triumphs can inspire empathy and drive reform.
 
Resilience as the Cornerstone
Resilience is the thread that ties the foster care experience to the act of writing about it for me. For many who have experienced foster care, resilience is not just a trait but a much-needed survival mechanism. It provides the strength to confront the past and reclaim the narrative. Writing allowed me to reinterpret past events through a lens of growth and strength. I really hope that sharing my story can inspire resilience in others, particularly current or former foster youth who may feel isolated. One thing, I wanted from the very start of writing my book was to focus on moments of success and joy underscore the capacity for growth and healing.

Finding the Right Tone
Writing about foster care requires sensitivity not only toward your own experiences but also toward the people and systems involved. Striking the right tone can make your story impactful without alienating readers. Initial feedback is that I've managed to accompish this and I'm very grateful to my readers. 

The Power of Storytelling
Ultimately, writing about foster care is an act of courage and advocacy. Your story has the power to shed light on an often-misunderstood system, challenge stereotypes, and inspire change. This is key to keep in mind. Through resilience, sensitivity, and authenticity, you can create a narrative that is not only transformative for yourself but also for your readers and the wider community. That's what makes me so proud of my first book. 

If you’ve experienced foster care and are considering writing a book about it, remember this: your voice matters. Your story has the potential to inspire hope, foster understanding, and drive meaningful change. And perhaps most importantly, it is a testament to the resilience that has carried you through—and will continue to guide you in the journey ahead.

*Isabel Kelly is the author of 'Is-Abel. An Inspiring Story of Survival and Hope
Through Northern Ireland’s Care System' published by ShadowScript Publications (2024).