'Still A Bit Of Frost About' by Leo Quinn

'Still A Bit Of Frost About' by Leo Quinn (ShadowScript Publications, 2024). 

The author's experiences in the care system had a profound and lasting impact on his adult life, shaping his mental health, relationships, sense of self-worth, and overall well-being. The trauma he endured during his time in care manifested in various ways, creating ongoing challenges even as he sought healing and stability through other avenues like military service. Let's look at some of these. 

Mental Health Struggles and PTSD: The physical, sexual, and emotional abuse the author suffered in care, particularly at Fallowfield, led to a diagnosis of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Leo experienced flashbacks, anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, illustrating the long-term psychological consequences of childhood trauma. His self-harming behaviour, initially developed as a coping mechanism in care, continued into adulthood as a way to manage emotional pain.

Difficulties with Relationships: The author's early experiences of neglect and rejection from his mother significantly affected his ability to form healthy relationships. He struggled with trust and intimacy, and his marriage experienced repeated breakdowns. Leo's distorted understanding of love and relationships, stemming from exposure to unhealthy sexual dynamics and abuse in both his family and the care system, further complicated his ability to connect with others. He also describes difficulties in parenting his daughters, feeling inadequate and unsure of how to be a "good" father due to his lack of positive parental role models.

Damaged Sibling Bonds: Although close to his siblings before entering care, the forced separation and lack of contact significantly damaged their relationships. His intense feelings of abandonment, experienced each time he was moved or prevented from seeing his siblings, contributed to his overall trauma and sense of loss. As adults, he and his older brother struggled to reconnect, their shared past and divergent life paths creating a barrier to rebuilding their relationship.

Low Self-Esteem and Sense of Worthlessness: The constant verbal abuse, neglect, and dehumanising treatment the author experienced in care deeply impacted his self-worth. Leo internalised the negative messages he received, believing he was inherently flawed and deserving of punishment. These feelings of worthlessness persisted into adulthood, contributing to his mental health struggles and difficulties in relationships
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Impact on Education and Life Opportunities: The inconsistent schooling and lack of educational support the author experienced in care limited his academic progress and future opportunities. He notes his current efforts to pursue further education, highlighting his desire to overcome the educational deficits imposed by the care system.

Distrust of Authority and Institutions: The author's experiences in care fostered a deep distrust of authority figures and institutions. The repeated failures of the care system to protect him and provide adequate support led to a sense of betrayal and a reluctance for a long time to seek help.

In conclusion, the author's time in care left an indelible mark on his life. The trauma he endured contributed to ongoing struggles with mental health, relationships, self-esteem, and educational attainment. While he found moments of stability and healing through military service and the love of his family, the long shadow of his past continued to affect his life in profound ways. Leo's story underscores the devastating consequences of systemic failures in the care system and the urgent need for trauma-informed care and support for those who have experienced abuse and neglect. This is a deeply powerful book and deserves our attention. 
-Conor, December 2024.